Ripped Edge

Stress, something I thought never bothered me. Turns out, I could have never been so wrong. For the longest time stress never got to me. I always said “I don’t stress about things, it’s a waste of time”. I have come to find out that stress definitely affects me. I was just not aware of it. I had ways of covering it up, pushing it away and hiding it. I was just not aware that I was doing it. I’m not going to get into details about my antics, I’ll save that for the professionals.

Now that I have discovered that I have been hiding from my stress (and life in general) I’m learning that it has a huge impact on me. I must say, I don’t like it all that much. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately. A lot of it is from finances but there are many contributing factors. My job for one. Not only is there a total lack of self satisfaction, now they have decided that we have to work a swing shift. We are going to be changing hours every other day. One day it’s 8 to 5 the next it’s 10 to 7. Not to mention we’re still working every other Saturday.  Having to use public transit is another factor.  I used public transit for 6 years and was pretty used to it.  I then changed jobs (due to the economy) and got a company car.  That was the shit!  I was forced to change positions and lost the company car.  Now I am back to public transit and I have come to find out that it takes a toll on me.  I’m gone for 13 hours a day and 4 hours are travel time.

The stresses from life are sucking the creativity right out of me.  I have multiple things I am working on but just can not find the energy or the creativity to continue on them at the present moment.  It is also taking a toll on me photographing, I just do not have the energy or the drive.  I really need to find the drive and energy to get things going again.

On a good note, I found out that I do not owe the government money from taxes this year.  I will actually be getting a little bit of money back.  Maybe I can pay off some bills and get caught up.  That will take a HUGE load of stress off of me.  Then maybe I will get some drive and creativity back.

Ever had a job, a hobby or just something that gave you that great feeling of self satisfaction? It’s a wonderful thing. I used to have a job that brought great satisfaction. Unfortunately I lost that job due to the economy. I really loved what I did. It was a lot of physical labor but the end result was worth it. Delighted customers and a beautiful new sun room that I built with my two hands. I took a pile of wood, metal and glass and turned it into a functional,beautiful living space. It was something that at the end of the day or week or month that I could step back and physically see what I had accomplished and i could say “I built that”. It is a great feeling. Not to mention the appreciation that the customer would show for a job well done.

Now, I work in an office as a customer support associate. I basically take calls from people that have issues with the products we sold and installed. These people tend to be quite upset and are not always easy to deal with. Not everyone is difficult to deal with, some people appreciate the explanations and knowledge I give them. Others don’t want to hear a word I have to say unless I am saying to them “I will send someone out tomorrow, to resolve the issue” or “we would be happy to give you a discount for the inconvenience”, witch pretty much never happens. I do have to say that my phone communication skills have improved drastically though. I have learned a lot, and I have a new appreciation for the office worker. However, I just don’t get the satisfaction from this job that I got from my previous career.

Maybe its the fact that carpentry is the only thing that I have ever done, I have done it since I got out of high school. Or maybe is because I have never worked in an office. Maybe it is because I never feel like I have completed anything. There is no reachable goal, its not like we are going to complete all of the services, with a lifetime warranty it would pretty much impossible, and if we did then my position would be eliminated anyway. Its a real catch 22 for me at this point.   I think I am struggling to try to find a goal.  I just do not know what  to do.  I like the job have, it just lacks the satisfaction I am used to.  I guess I’ll just keep searching for a goal, or something that has a possibility of being reached.

     I have spent quite a few hours in the past few days “tweaking” the site to make it to my liking.  It is getting pretty close.  I think I have it set up pretty much the way I like it.  There are still things I have to work on and I will get them done in time.  I have come to realize that I am spending tons of time working on my site but not actually using it what I built it for.  I think it comes down to the fact when it comes to building sites I am OCD.  I want it a specific way and I will not stop until I get it that way.  So, I have been spending my time making the site the way I want it but not adding any actual content to it.  Well, I have been adding some quotes, and some other small things but, I have not posted anything.  No updates, no photos, no nothing.  So as I sit here realizing this I figured it would be a good time to add something.  Now that I think about it, the site its self could be considered a piece of my work, my hobby.  I have spent plenty of time working on it and making it mine.  The right point view point would be to look at as me making the site mine is adding content.  I am putting myself into it.  It has not been a wast of time or effort.  Most of the time I would see the lack of me writing something a failure, not this time.

     I am definitely a cheap bastard. This tends to be my lunch most days. Probably not the most nutritious meal one could eat, or the best tasting either, but it does the job. It fills my stomach, for a short time anyway.  Hey, when Ican get them for $1.25 per when they are on sale I can’t afford not to buy them.

Rant allert!
     Ok, so I work customer service for a fairly large home improvement company. I have over 14 years of field experience as a carpenter so it’s pretty easy to understand what people are trying to explain when they call. When someone calls and tells me that their windows are leaking I have to investigate the cause by asking fairly simple questions. The first of witch is the easiest, their phone number so I can look up the account. This can take from 30 seconds to 5 minutes depending on how much the person feels like ranting and raving before they let me get a word in edge wise. If it is one of the people that feel like ranting I’ll usually just try the caller ID to bring up their account while their ranting. Now, when there has been a record breaking amount of snow, 3 feet in less than 1 week bad things tend to happen and the worst of witch is ice damming, it tends to cause a lot of problems to houses. So when someone calls in stating that their windows are leaking and I see that they were installed 2 years ago I have to ask “is this the first time that the window has leaked?”. I already know the answer, I can see the record of when and why we have been to their house, it’s in their account. So when they answer yes, I’m ready to start explaining what ice damming is, the damage it can do and how to help prevent it. Of course this is when people start to get upset (mad if they called already upset).  Basically I am telling them that it is not the window that is leaking, it is the damn roof!   But of course, people never want to hear that, they never had a leak before we put the windows in their house, so it must be the windows.  Even though there have been torrential down pours and snow in the past and not one drop of water got into their house this time it MUST be the windows according to the home owner.  So I just have to ask, “when was the last time you had 3 feet of snow lying on your roof?”  I usually get a pause for a moment (that’s when I mute the phone so they can’t hear me chuckling) and then they say “never that I know of”.  Well no shit?  People actually believe that all that snow and ice on the roof is causing a window to leak, its amazing.  It’s causing the ROOF to leak numb nuts!  Of course I can’t say that to people so I have to gently take them by the hand and lead them down the path of believing that it is their roof causing the problem not the windows that were installed 2 years ago basically saying ”We will not be coming out to service your windows.  But If the leak persists after the ice and snow on your roof is gone give me a call back and I will be more than happy to send someone out.”  I have to say the first few calls I had, I really felt the need to send a service tech out to ensure the home owner.  Then after I got yelled at by a couple customers I decided that was NOT going to happen.  Get pissy with me and I’ll make you wait 5 weeks for a tech to check things out and only if I deem it necessary.  I have to say I have gotten pretty good at calming people down and getting them to understand that it’s not always the fault of the window. 

     I feel better now that I got that off my chest, even though it will most likely make no since at all tomorrow.  On a better note, I snapped a cute shot of my daughter.  Unfortunately when I grabbed my camera I realized that I forgot to turn it off the last time I plugged it in to get the pictures off of it so the battery was dead.  I don’t get why there is no auto shut off when connected to a USB cable or why the USB cable can’t be the power source when plugged in.  So I had to grab the Blackberry.   She was playing in her room, and I heard nothing, usualy a sign of trouble.  I get up off of the coutch and this is what I saw….

     For the first time in a long time I actually went out.  Not for anybody else, not for any other reason but the fact that I wanted to.  The owner of the company I work for invited the operations division out to a college basketball game.  About 15 people showed up.  It was a blast!  It is the first time in a very long time that I have went out just because I wanted to.  I wanted to go out and enjoy myself and I definitely did.  It was a great time.  I joined up with a bunch of co-workers and we all had a great time.  The best part… the company paid for EVERYTHING!  Free food and beer, not to mention the tickets to Villanova vs UCONN, In a Sweet none the less.  Who could ask for more?  Unfortunately Nova lost, but it was still the best time I have had in quite some time.

     These are not the best pics, they were taken with my Blackberry.  I thought about grabbing my camera before I left but I did not know if I would get let in with it.  Whatever, at least I got some shots from the sweet!

My daughter, the light of my life.  I must say she is one of the best subjects I could imagine.  She is the most difficult to capture but definatly the best subject I think I will ever encounter.  What do you think?

     It’s time for me to get my ass in gear.  I have been thinking about (and trying from time to time) to start a new project.  A 365 Project.  I really need to get my head back into one of my favorite hobbies, photography.  I figure I can use this blog to share my works.  I intend on using it as a measure of accountability.  If people are actually expecting me to post updates then I will be more inclined to keep my head in it and get it done.  I know if I try to do it on my own in my private little space that I will go into it head strong for a short time and then I will slowly but surely loose my path and ambition.

     I am not sure if I am going to commit to a 365 project right off the bat.  I do not want to get over whelmed, it happens every time I have tried to start one.  I miss one day, get a few more days in , miss a day or two here and there and then I just say “screw it I’ve already missed x amount of days whats the point”.  I am determined to not do that again.  So, I am going to start off a little slower this time.  I am not going to expect myself to add a photo or even an update every single day.  At this point I think I can do at least 3 to 4 a week, this is my goal and I will do my best to reach it.  If I do not, so be it it’s not the end of the world and I will just keep on going.

     Another thing I really want to get back into is my digital editing.  I used to do a lot of graphical editing to photos.  I loved it. I had many projects that I can no longer find.  I really want to get back into it.  I am hoping that I can find my creativity and produce more creations like I used to. I have started many new projects in the past year but never seem to keep my creativity up long enough to finish them.  I am going to have to see if I can find some of my old works and try to use those for a creative push, and if I can find them I will definitely have to add them to my gallery.